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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29774919">Finding Your Bliss</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/AirgiodSLV/pseuds/AirgiodSLV'>AirgiodSLV</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Shadowhunters (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>M/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-03-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-16 01:33:59</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>7,019</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29774919</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/AirgiodSLV/pseuds/AirgiodSLV</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>On the pathway to Alexander Lightwood's advanced sexual enlightenment, Magnus starts simple. Or rather, he backpedals to simple, because Alec takes one look at the bedroom Magnus has transformed into a BDSM dream dungeon, turns around and walks right back out again.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>171</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Finding Your Bliss</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>For cupiscent, who never fails to be an inspiration. Thank you to amy and cupiscent for beta reading, and for letting me drag them in after me. I'm coming to this fandom late armed with four youtube playlists, the fan wiki, a wing and a prayer, so I apologize for any errors.</p><p>Contains discussion and exploration of kink, including kink negotiation.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p><i>Foot Fetish</i><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>On the pathway to Alexander Lightwood's advanced sexual enlightenment, Magnus starts simple. Or rather, he backpedals to simple, because Alec takes one look at the bedroom Magnus has transformed into a BDSM dream dungeon, turns around and walks right back out again. Then he forestalls any discussion by blowing Magnus up against the wall, with one leg hooked over Alec's broad shoulder so he can finger Magnus into spineless jelly. As distraction techniques go, it's effective.</p><p>Never let it be said that Magnus can't learn from his mistakes - in hindsight, the saltire cross might have been a bit much to start with - so tonight it's just the two of them on the bed, naked and relaxed.</p><p>Alec is propped up against the headboard and a small mountain of pillows, watching Magnus. His abs crunch into taut definition when he slouches, rippling every time his hips flex involuntarily, and Magnus has been openly staring now for at least five minutes, not that anyone is counting.</p><p>Magnus has more pillows at the foot of the bed, but he's lounging back on his elbows, at least until his arms get tired. The lights are dimmed just enough to gild Alec's skin with gold, and everything smells of the woody massage oil Magnus has been perfecting for the past week, mainly by brewing test batches and waving them under Alec's nose to see which scents snag his attention. It's just the right consistency, slippery without being sticky or oily, warmed now to match the heat of their skin as Magnus slides the arch of his foot up the length of Alec's flushed cock.</p><p>Magnus wouldn't say this is something he does regularly, but it's a common enough desire that he's had practice. He knows how to curl his toes around the crown, and the right amount of pressure to exert with the ball of his foot at the base. There's always some trial and error, but that's rarely a problem with Alec, who tends to be so intensely focused in moments like these that Magnus occasionally can't breathe properly. He's certainly been appreciative so far, breath hitching and murmuring encouragement, his gaze drifting every so often from Magnus' limber feet up the length of his body to meet his eyes before traveling back again.</p><p>"Good?" Magnus asks, just to be sure. He tries to be generous when it comes to communication in the bedroom, especially with an inexperienced partner.</p><p>Alec's fingers clench in the sheets when Magnus grinds down gently with his heel. "Yeah."</p><p>"Anything in particular?" Magnus draws his big toe down the length of Alec's cock in a long, slow line, and watches Alec's eyes follow it.</p><p>Alec shakes his head, which isn't exactly a lie, but Magnus knows now the way Alec's stomach jumps and tenses with held breath when Magnus points his foot hard to press with his heel against the base of Alec's cock and his toe just under the head, so he does that again just to make the point.</p><p>"Okay, yeah, yes, that," Alec rushes out, flexing his hips up into the contact. "And...fuck, <i>fuck</i>," he finishes, because Magnus already knows how to catch Alec's cock between the oil-slick soles of his feet on the slide back down, and he does. He speeds up for a few strokes, ratcheting the tension tighter until Alec's fists are clenched again, arm muscles corded.</p><p>"Magnus, can I...can I touch you?" Alec's eyes have closed, and it hadn't occurred to Magnus until now that Alec has been holding himself back and letting Magnus put on a show, but he's asked now and Magnus believes in rewarding good behavior. He wiggles his toes in invitation when Alec’s eyes blink open again, and Alec’s mouth ticks up at the corners.</p><p>Alec’s large hands cradle his legs just over his Achilles tendons, which is a surprising relief. Magnus hadn’t realized how much of a core workout he’s getting until Alec takes some of the weight, supporting him without restricting his movements. He returns to playing with Alec’s cock, teasing him with the ball of one foot, and Alec’s thumb slides around to dig into the arch of the other, cupping his heel.</p><p>“Some people aren’t comfortable with feet,” Magnus comments, relaxing back against his pillows. He thinks about telling Alec that he doesn’t actually have to give Magnus a foot massage while they do this, but Alec’s hands are strong and calloused, and Magnus isn’t complaining.</p><p>Alec shrugs. “It’s all you. It’s just another part of you.”</p><p>The way he says it, like it’s a simple truth that should be obvious to the entire world, makes Magnus’ breathing go uneven again for a moment. “Yes, but there’s a certain stigma. Feet can be considered unclean.”</p><p>Alec’s lips curve sideways into a smirk that Magnus wants abruptly and viscerally to bite. “You just got a pedicure. I think you’re fine.”</p><p>Magnus blinks at him, surprised. “How did you…?”</p><p>“You took my sister along,” Alec answers, rubbing Magnus’ flexing toes. “Which I’m really trying not to think about right now. Maybe next time don’t get matching colors.”</p><p>“Oh, but you like this one,” Magnus returns, pointing his feet a little to show off the dark, vivid red.</p><p>Alec’s thumb draws a light, deliberate circle around the bone on the inside of Magnus’ ankle. “Yeah, I do. It looks good on you.”</p><p>Magnus wriggles until the ring on his middle toe is pressed snugly against Alec’s cock. Alec catches his breath and then Magnus’s foot, pressing down more firmly and tilting his hips up for better friction.</p><p>“What about you?” Alec asks, gratifyingly breathless. “Good?”</p><p>Most of the time Magnus could take or leave this, honestly, but when he pulls his other foot out of Alec’s gentle hold and lifts it to his lips, Alec doesn’t even hesitate, closing his mouth around Magnus’ big toe and sucking, licking over the vibrant nail polish.</p><p>“I’m coming around,” Magnus admits.</p><p>Alec lets Magnus’ toe rest on his tongue for a moment before he tilts his chin up and it slides off his lower lip. “You could,” he offers, clearing his throat. “Come around.”</p><p>On any other lover, it might have been coy and seductive, but there’s a fresh hint of color across the bridge of Alec’s nose and his bare collarbones. Magnus will miss that lingering shyness when it’s gone completely, but it’s steadily giving way to confidence as Alec grows more comfortable with him in bed, which is an exchange Magnus is glad to make.</p><p>“Oh?” he teases, nudging against Alec’s lips until he’s taken in again, Alec’s teeth grazing lightly over fresh new skin. “What would we do if I did?”</p><p>There’s a brief pause, as though Alec hadn’t really thought beyond getting Magnus up the bed and into his arms, but only for a moment. “I really like this oil,” he offers. “And we have a lot of it left.”</p><p>His legs splay open a little, pale and inviting. There’s the faintest shadow there where Magnus could slide between them, and Alec’s muscled thighs could grip him, slippery with massage oil, while Alec slides against his abs. They have more than enough oil, really. They might as well make a mess of things.</p><p>“I like the way you think,” Magnus says, tip-toeing his way up Alec’s chest to hook both feet over his shoulders and tug him forward. Alec tumbles over him in a graceful sprawl, their limbs rearranging to wind together, already laughing into a kiss.</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>—</p>
</div><i>Furries</i><br/><br/><p>Alec stares at him - not at the clothing rack, or what’s on it, or anything else in the room - in that way he does sometimes, like he’s seeing through the glamour that conceals Magnus’ eyes and into his very soul. Magnus is never entirely prepared for that look, and he certainly isn’t now.</p><p>“What?” Alec says finally, and there’s barely a question mark after it, a grace note of a request for Magnus to explain.</p><p>Magnus has already done that, so he skips repeating himself to provide context instead. “It’s considered very freeing. A fantasy. You can be anything you want to be.” He gestures showily at the costumes on display, a broad selection of animals, creatures, and imaginary beings that he thinks will have the best chance of appealing to Alec’s aesthetic.</p><p>Alec’s gaze doesn’t even flicker. “By putting on a...simulated hide?” He shakes his head before Magnus can do more than open his mouth to respond. “I wouldn’t even be able to touch you.”</p><p>Magnus should have foreseen that being a concern. While he’s never directly commented on the fact that Alec can be more than a little touch-starved, it doesn’t mean he’s unaware. “You’d still be able to feel me,” he invites, taking a step closer to the rack to redirect Alec’s single-minded attention. “Or whatever it is you wanted to pretend you were feeling.”</p><p>“Why would I want to pretend? Magnus, I don’t want to be with anyone else.”</p><p>The blunt, direct approach tends to disarm Magnus faster than any amount of sweet-talking, and this hits unnervingly on the mark. For all that Magnus trusts Alec’s feelings for him, it’s still impossible to forget that he doesn’t have any other point of comparison.</p><p>Magnus decides to compromise, to see if he can ease Alec in by way of shallower waters. “What if it was more...me?” Almost as soon as he says it, he lights up and mentally skips twenty-nine lines down the mental list of kinks and fetishes he’s been assembling. “I can do a lot with magic, you know. How do you feel about tentacles?”</p><p>“What?” Alec repeats, although this time it’s definitely a question, thrown off and bewildered. Sweet, sheltered shadowhunter.</p><p>Magnus fans his fingers open and closed again. “There’s a fascinating history there, cultural censorship and freedom of expression...oh, but we should discuss some logistical details.”</p><p>“Magnus…”</p><p>Magnus is so preoccupied with banishing the fursuits and running through spell possibilities that he doesn’t notice Alec moving until a hand snags his elbow.</p><p>“What if we just...watched a movie?” Alec suggests, which is so far from what Magnus is planning that it takes a moment for him to process it. What gets through, more than the words, is Alec’s expression, which is struggling through something complicated until he reacts to whatever he sees in Magnus’ face and closes off, going deliberately blank.</p><p>Too much, too fast, Magnus thinks. Well, there’s a reason tentacles are twenty-nine steps ahead of where he’d meant to be tonight. He hadn’t expected to be there for at least two months. Realistically, given the constant crises, interruptions, and near-death experiences, more like five.</p><p>“A movie,” he repeats, just to be sure.</p><p>“Yeah,” Alec answers, with a lightness that’s so patently forced it drags his voice up half an octave. He’s an appalling liar. “Let’s hang out for a while. We don’t need to rush into anything.”</p><p>Magnus manages to refrain from reminding Alec of why they’re in the bedroom right now—namely, because Magnus hadn’t even finished pouring the first round of cocktails before Alec’s warm hands had settled on his hips and his lips were on Magnus’ neck. If Alec isn’t ready, he isn’t ready.</p><p>More likely he’s feeling intimidated and embarrassed, so Magnus follows his lead with enthusiasm that’s far more convincing than Alec has managed. “Wonderful idea. What would you like to see? French art house? Cult classic?”</p><p>“Whatever you want. You’re the expert,” Alec answers, which is an understatement. For all Magnus’ considerable efforts, Alec still doesn’t really like watching movies.</p><p>Perhaps that’s unfair. It’s more that Alec is bored by movies, and most of the time his attention ends up on Magnus rather than on the screen—not that Magnus is complaining. Which gives him a new idea.</p><p>“Why don’t we get comfortable,” Magnus suggests, hands on Alec’s shoulders to steer him backwards out of the bedroom, “and enjoy some...adult entertainment.”</p><p>The look on Alec’s face is a picture. Spurred on by the flush rising in Alec’s cheeks and the way his eyes dart away to look anywhere else, Magnus continues warmly, “There’s no shame in sharing the experience. It can be intimate in its own way. A shared voyeurism. What do you prefer? I know all of the golden age classics, but if you have favourites, I’d love for you to tell me about them. We could…”</p><p>Alec still isn’t looking at him, and the flush is all the way down his neck now, where Magnus’ hands have resettled on either side of his throat. Magnus is struck by a sudden, terrible thought. He has to be careful with how he asks, because Alec can get defensive about his lack of experience in certain areas, and Magnus doesn’t want to sound like he’s judging. However.</p><p>“Alexander. Have you...ever seen pornography?”</p><p>Alec looks at the ceiling. He’s a horrible liar even when he isn’t technically lying, and his silence is already answer enough. Magnus makes a little noise in his throat, which is exactly what he’d told himself he wouldn’t do, because he knows as soon as it comes out how Alec will take it.</p><p>“I grew up in the Institute,” Alec defends, pulling away from Magnus and halfway across the apartment before Magnus can stop him. “You know that.”</p><p>Magnus does know that. He’s also willing to bet most of his spring shoe collection that Jace has seen pornography, and that he probably had some smuggled into his room at the Institute long before he was technically old enough to own it. He also knows why Jace wouldn’t have shared that with Alec, however, so once again he holds his tongue. That isn’t important. What is important is that Magnus gets to introduce Alec to the wonderful world of erotic cinema.</p><p>He claps his hands and rubs them together. “Right. Sofa. Projector. Drinks. Would you like popcorn?”</p><p>“I’m good,” Alec answers. He’s still across the room, but Magnus has faith he won’t stay away for long. He’s proven right a few minutes later, when Magnus coaxes him over to the sofa and passes him a cocktail - he’s trying gin and fruit combinations this month, because Alec’s grimace when he tastes them is less insulting than it’s been for anything else Magnus has offered thus far - and Alec curls cautiously against the far armrest.</p><p>Magnus is patient and Alec is tactile, and less than five minutes into the movie, Alec has gravitated toward him, his hand playing with Magnus’ rings, arm warm against Magnus’ side. After eight minutes, which is where Alec typically loses interest in the onscreen action and wraps himself around Magnus for a cuddle, Magnus feels the hopeful tug on his belt loops that precedes Alec’s weight shifting on top of him, and the two of them get much more comfortable on the sofa.</p><p>He expects Alec’s attention to wander, and it does. He’s not surprised in the least, given what they’re watching, that his distraction takes the form of hands sliding beneath Magnus’ shirt, and light brushes of his lips over Magnus’ throat. Alec’s fingers trace light patterns on his sides, just over his hips, and there’s a brief, semi-awkward tug at Magnus’ collar that he realizes in the next moment is Alec undoing Magnus’ shirt button with his teeth.</p><p>Magnus’ blood, not yet particularly warmed by the onscreen action, makes a sudden and heated rush south.</p><p>He turns his gaze on Alec, who seems content with just one button for now and is nuzzling the open collar of Magnus’ shirt. Magnus lifts a hand to banish the shirt entirely, which is far more efficient, but Alec catches it and kisses his wrist in an unspoken request for Magnus to leave it.</p><p>Alec enjoys taking things at his own pace. Currently, that pace is just on the tolerable side of excruciating, and it’s taking a not-inconsiderable effort for Magnus to hold back from just rolling them onto the floor and vanishing all of their clothing at once. Alec repeats his efforts on three buttons over the next few minutes, making soft pleased sounds whenever his technique improves, and his hands are under the shirt Magnus is still inexplicably wearing but they haven’t <i>gone</i> anywhere, resting maddeningly light against Magnus’ sides, fingertips occasionally just brushing the top swell of his ass.</p><p>Magnus has no idea what’s happening on the screen, and he’s seen this film a half-dozen times before.</p><p>It’s not until the tip of Alec’s tongue starts drawing the same light, lazy patterns high on Magnus’ chest, when Magnus’ patience finally breaks and he tries to pull Alec up into a kiss, that he fully realizes the enormity of his own mistake.</p><p>“Shh.” Alec’s whisper is just a breath under the grunts and moans filling the room, and his eyes catch the bright light from the screen when he looks up at Magnus. “You’re watching the movie.”</p><p>There are attractive people fucking each other in explicit detail on the screen a few feet away, and all Magnus can focus on is the path Alec’s pinkie finger takes when it drifts along Magnus’ waistband toward his spine. He’s certain Alec knows it, too. It’s possible that Magnus is creating a monster.</p><p>Magnus makes another attempt to pull Alec up into his arms, but Alec shakes his head, a hint of a smile at the corners of his mouth. “Watch the movie,” he repeats, leaving Magnus to endure the exquisite torment of staring unseeing at a movie screen with Alec’s head on his chest, breathing softly over his exposed skin. The scene playing on repeat in his mind is of Alec replicating his newfound button-opening skills with his teeth on the fly of Magnus’ jeans.</p><p>He’s beginning to see what Alec meant about not bothering to pretend he wants anyone else.</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>—</p>
</div><i>Smoking</i><br/><br/><p>“Not too fast,” Magnus warns, but Alec is already coughing, bracing himself on the balcony wall with the cigarette held away from his body. It’s a sticky New York night, but Magnus just thinks that makes it better, more decadent, the lazy press of humidity and clothes clinging damply to heated skin. It reminds him of a century ago, the dizzy and vibrant surge of life bursting back into the world after the war.</p><p>“Wow,” Alec says when he’s managed a full breath again. “This is…”</p><p>“Indulgent?” Magnus suggests, curling his tongue around the smoke in his mouth. “Lavish? Sybaritic?”</p><p>“Awful,” Alec answers, making the same face at the cigarette that he makes at top-shelf scotch whisky. “You really used to do this?”</p><p>“For a very long time, men in most parts of the world did this. It would have been strange if I hadn’t.” Magnus takes another nostalgic drag from his cigarette and exhales in a stream into the night sky, directed carefully away from Alec. “I’ll admit it’s something of an acquired taste.”</p><p>Alec takes another sip of smoke from the cigarette and manages not to cough it back up this time.</p><p>“Hold it in,” Magnus advises, watching him. “Until it burns a little. Then let it out.”</p><p>Alec’s gaze flicks dubiously sideways, but he follows Magnus’ instructions and finally manages a shaky exhale. “Do you miss it?”</p><p>Magnus taps his wrist on top of the wall to scatter the ash. “The ritual of it, sometimes. The glamour. There are accessories to fashion that come and go over the centuries, and that part of it I miss, but no more than I miss carrying a walking stick.”</p><p>“I could see you with a walking stick,” Alec says, eyeing him. Magnus’ lips curl up and he touches the cigarette to his mouth, drawing in another light breath and exhaling through his nose.</p><p>“There are markers for elegance in every era.” Magnus pauses. “I’ve never really gotten used to this one. I don’t care much for wristwatches.”</p><p>“You always look elegant,” Alec says. “No matter what you’re wearing. Everything suits you.”</p><p>Magnus chuckles. “That’s because I’ve spent a very long time cultivating a certain look. Although even I get it wrong, sometimes. Mid-century…” He shudders. “Let’s just say I’ve made my share of mistakes.”</p><p>When he looks over, Alec is smiling slightly, watching him. “I still think you look beautiful.”</p><p>“Thank you, Alexander. The sentiment is entirely returned.” They’re both between drags, so Magnus steps in closer, tilting his chin up for a kiss. Alec’s mouth is soft and warm on his, and when his lips part he sighs out a breath, relaxing into the slow, sensual curl of Magnus’ tongue.</p><p>When they part, however, Alec’s expression is caught between dismay and repulsion. “Okay, that is disgusting.”</p><p>Magnus laughs aloud, stepping back away from Alec to finish off his cigarette. He has it now, he might as well enjoy it. “I’ve always preferred cigars, myself, but they never had quite the same appeal. It was cigarettes that really sold sex, for decades.”</p><p>Alec, attempting another inhale, breaks out in a fit of coughing so violent he nearly doubles over with it. “Sex?” he chokes out in between gasps for air. “This is about sex?”</p><p>Magnus looks him over, amused and also prepared to send a tendril of magic his way to clear out his lungs if he needs it. “What did you think it was for?”</p><p>“Cancer,” Alec answers, his breathing back under control again. “Seriously?”</p><p>Magnus shrugs a little and ashes over the wall again. “That, and new experiences. You never know when you might find something you like.”</p><p>Alec raises his eyebrows and grimaces around the cigarette. “Yeah, this? Probably going to be a one-time thing.” He hasn’t figured out how to tap the ashes loose yet, or else he just doesn’t care—he holds the cigarette in front of him as he looks out over the skyline. “You think it’s sexy?”</p><p>“It can be.” Magnus is well aware of how he looks when he’s smoking, and exactly how to do it to attract a certain kind of attention. He takes a long drag, holding the smoke in for a moment, then tips his head back to expose the line of his throat and exhales into the air above him.</p><p>When he looks over again, Alec is staring at him. Magnus tries not to smile and mostly fails at it. Smoking hadn’t actually been on his fetish list, but then Alec almost never reacts the way Magnus expects he will.</p><p>“Okay,” Alec says, voice rough from more than the smoke. “I think I get it.”</p><p>Magnus raises an eyebrow, purses his lips around the cigarette, and sucks. Alec’s gaze stays fixed on his mouth. Magnus lets the tip of his tongue dart out to wet his lips just before he exhales, and is rewarded with the soft shudder of Alec’s own breath.</p><p>“I really want to kiss you right now,” Alec says, a blunt confession of a kind Magnus still isn’t used to hearing. “And I also really, really don’t.”</p><p>Magnus starts laughing again, pinches out his cigarette and flicks it over the wall, banishing it with a gesture as it falls away. “I can fix that,” he offers in reminder. He’s used magic to chase away their morning breath often enough that Alec is used to it.</p><p>He slides his hand around Alec’s and raises it to his lips, carefully stealing a drag from Alec’s mostly-untouched cigarette and then turning his head to blow the smoke away from him.</p><p>Alec makes a strangled noise and continues to look conflicted. Magnus goes ahead and steals his cigarette since he isn’t using it, cheeks hollowing on his inhale, and tries an experimental smoke ring to see if he’s still got the knack.</p><p>He does.</p><p>Alec mutters curses under his breath, and then drops - gracefully, as always - to his knees on the balcony. Magnus jerks the cigarette out to the side so falling ash doesn’t burn Alec’s face and makes a startled sound of his own.</p><p>“I don’t know, okay? It tastes awful, my throat hurts, and if I can’t breathe during my run tomorrow morning I’m going to be pissed, but you’re so...there’s still something…” Alec sounds frustrated, and Magnus can’t tell if it’s with his inability to express himself, or the fact that he’s turned on by this at all.</p><p>“I don’t think I had you down for exhibitionism,” Magnus says dazedly, his brain still trying to catch up with the way Alec is impatiently yanking open his belt and unzipping his pants. Then again, he thinks, there was their first kiss, so perhaps he should have moved that one a little higher up the list.</p><p>“You have magic,” Alec reminds him, although he’s apparently unconcerned about being on display like this, because he’s already mouthing messily over Magnus’ underwear. “Use it.”</p><p>Magnus could, easily. Only now he’s thinking about Alec hidden behind the balcony wall, and whether Alec wants the thrill of imagining someone might see them. Magic pools in the palm of his hand, illuminating Alec’s face when he looks up with unspoken challenge in his eyes. Magnus doesn’t cast the spell, and Alec sees his hesitation and waits for him to decide, the flat of his tongue tracing Magnus through the fabric.</p><p>He’s daring Magnus not to hide them the same way Magnus is daring him to keep going. Magnus should have known better than to let this turn into a competition.</p><p>He does eventually get a concealment glamour over them. By then Alec’s throat is working around him and his hands have crept up Magnus’ thighs to fondle his balls in full backlit silhouette, so first Magnus breaks a lamp, sets off his own wards, and lights a potted plant on fire trying to put out the cigarette, but he still counts it as a win.</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>—</p>
</div><i>Fisting</i><br/><br/><p>“I’ve never seen so much champagne in one place. Or so many tourists. They left it in the cask, but there was a downworld party shortly after its arrival, and the warlocks might have gotten into it. We replaced it, of course—no one at the exhibition ever knew.”</p><p>“Two hundred <i>thousand</i> bottles? In one night?” Alec’s tone is skeptical. He’s getting better at sorting Magnus’ facts from his fictions, but this one happens to be both outrageous and true.</p><p>“What can I say? We had a lot of tourists, too. It was the <i>Exposition Universelle</i>. Anything that extravagant attracts attention. And I do love a party.” Magnus reaches for the half-filled champagne flute by the bed and takes a sip before offering it to Alec, who shakes his head.</p><p>“No, I think I want to stay clear-headed.”</p><p>Magnus snaps his fingers and offers a water goblet instead. Alec leans forward and Magnus tips it carefully against his mouth until Alec swallows. “Thanks.”</p><p>“Hydration is important,” Magnus teases. Alec’s smile is slow and crooked, his lips still wet. Magnus reaches for him without thinking and Alec shifts forward, letting Magnus slip a hand through his hair and draw him down for a kiss.</p><p>They lose themselves for longer than Magnus had intended, until Alec’s weight shifts to chase Magnus’ tongue and his fingers slide in deeper, the bones of his knuckles stretching Magnus open until he groans.</p><p>Alec breaks off the kiss and bumps their noses together, catching his breath. “You okay?”</p><p>“I’m fine.” Magnus brushes back the hair falling over Alec’s eyes and smiles. “We were talking about Paris.”</p><p>They’ve been talking a lot tonight. Magnus knows how long this is likely to take, and he wants both of them to be relaxed and enjoy it. He’ll change positions later to make things easier, but for now he’s comfortably lounging in a nest of pillows, his hips tilted up with Alec kneeling between his legs where they can see and touch each other.</p><p>Magnus isn’t actually sure they’re going to manage this tonight, although he hasn’t said as much to Alec. The size of Alec’s hands normally makes Magnus go slightly weak at the knees, but it’s something of an inconvenience when they’re trying to fit one entirely inside of him.</p><p>It’s still better than the alternative—Alec’s body is made up of muscle tension and stress, and getting him to relax enough for something like this would take more than a flute of champagne and a few stories about the turn of the century. He doesn’t accept failure well, either, and Magnus doesn’t want him to push his limits just to prove he’s capable of it. That isn’t what this is meant to be about.</p><p>Alec leaves a trail of kisses down his throat, distracting Magnus while the tip of his thumb strokes sensitive skin, already stretched taut around four fingers. Magnus tries not to tense up and fails, even knowing Alec won’t push him without asking first. The kisses pause, and when Magnus opens his eyes Alec is watching him.</p><p>His gaze drops to where Magnus’ erection had flagged some time ago, and there’s a question in it.</p><p>“Perfectly normal,” Magnus assures him. “This kind of stimulation isn’t all fireworks and lightning.”</p><p>“Do you want me to…?” Alec asks, gesturing with his free hand to the soft cock resting against Magnus’ thigh.</p><p>“No, it’s all right. Why don’t you tell me a story instead?”</p><p>Alec raises an eyebrow. “Most of my stories are about hunting demons or my family. That’s not really the right mood.”</p><p>“Surely you must have…” Magnus breaks off and winces at the slight twist of Alec’s hand, the press and drag of his knuckles.</p><p>Alec stops moving entirely and waits for him. Magnus breathes and then nods for Alec to go ahead, only to arch away from the pressure as soon as he does.</p><p>“Hey.” Alec’s voice is low and even. “We don’t have to keep going.”</p><p>“Just give me a minute,” Magnus requests, readjusting the angle of his spine and trying to cover a wince. From the look on Alec’s face, he doesn’t quite manage it.</p><p>“You’re not hard, and your eyes are still glamoured,” Alec points out. “Are you really enjoying yourself?”</p><p>That’s a difficult question to answer while being entirely truthful. Magnus equivocates. “I’m enjoying being here with you. Something this intimate—it takes a lot of trust, and I’m glad we have that.”</p><p>Equivocation unfortunately never works on Seelie, and rarely works on Lightwoods.</p><p>“That’s not what I asked.” Alec’s brow furrows in concern. “Magnus, do you even like doing this?”</p><p>He could lie. He would, perhaps, except that Alec’s eyes have him pinned far more effectively than his fingers, and he already knows he won’t. “No. Not really. It...reminds me of Camille.”</p><p>Alec’s eyes widen slightly, but there’s no recrimination in his voice when he speaks, only frustration. “Then why are we doing it?”</p><p>Magnus breathes carefully. “I wanted you to have the experience. I thought you might like it.”</p><p>“Magnus…” Alec seems genuinely lost for words. He sits back on his heels and shakes his head. “Why would I want to do something you don’t? I’m not...you’re not sending me away after a night in your bed. I’m not going to be with anyone else. You’re all I care about.”</p><p>This isn’t a conversation Magnus really wants to have with this many fingers up his ass. Thankfully Alec seems to feel the same way, and begins to slowly, carefully work them free.</p><p>“There will always be times you want something and I don’t, or things one of us enjoys more than the other,” Magnus tells him once they’ve separated, sending a quick clean-up spell to take care of the lube coating Alec’s hand. “That’s part of having this kind of relationship.”</p><p>“I can’t think of anything I’d want so much that I’d still want to do it if you didn’t,” Alec argues. “If I did, then I guess we’d talk about it. But this isn’t it.”</p><p>“It might have been,” Magnus points out. He cautiously stretches out his legs, and winces again at a cramp in his calf.</p><p>“No, Magnus. It wouldn’t.” Alec’s tone is flat exasperation now, and he doesn’t even look down when he reaches for Magnus’ leg, running his fingers up from Magnus’ ankle until he finds the knotted muscle. “You’ve seen me when I want something. There’ll be a lot more stammering and me acting like an idiot.”</p><p>“You never do that,” Magnus chides.</p><p>Alec meets his gaze and holds it. “I did when I wanted you.”</p><p>Magnus is briefly speechless. Then he reaches up and Alec leans down to meet him, letting go of Magnus’ calf and settling in between legs to kiss him.</p><p>“I’ll admit this might have been ill-advised. Let me make it up to you?” Magnus wiggles his eyebrows, and is rewarded with another of Alec’s reluctant, eye-rolling smiles. “I’m already <i>very</i> well prepared, after all.”</p><p>The smile immediately freezes, Alec’s eyes widening again. “You’re joking, right? You have to be sore right now.”</p><p>“Nothing a little healing magic won’t fix,” Magnus offers, twisting a cloud of blue around his fingers in demonstration.</p><p>“Magnus, if you’re using the words ‘healing magic’ in bed, I’m doing something wrong.” Alec looks down at him for a moment, open and unguarded, and the argument Magnus intends to make dies on his tongue. “I have another idea.”</p><p>“Oh?” Magnus is surprised enough to let go when Alec pulls out of his embrace, sliding down the bed. He’s expecting Alec’s fingers, when Alec’s warm palm slides over his thigh in a request for Magnus to spread open wider and give him access.</p><p>He isn’t expecting Alec’s tongue.</p><p>“<i>Alexander</i>,” he gasps, rolling into the contact.</p><p>Alec raises his head to look at him. “Is this okay? Am I hurting you?”</p><p>Magnus shakes his head, tilting his hips up just to be clear, but Alec waits for a moment more. Magnus doesn’t know what he’s looking for until he realizes his glamour is gone, and Alec holds his eyes with a warm smile.</p><p>“Good,” he says, and sets about making Magnus lose the rest of his control along with his mind.</p>
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  <p>—</p>
</div><i>Cross-dressing</i><br/><br/><p>Two weeks into Magnus’ guided tour of sexual self-discovery, he’s had distinctly mixed results. There have been a few successes - Alec’s introduction to vibrators had been especially satisfying - but he’s crossed off far more from his list than they’ve actually gone through with. Alec’s balked at watersports (<i>“Seriously? Why?”</i>), food fetishes (<i>“I didn’t need to know that about radishes”</i>), and age play (<i>“Absolutely not, I’m insecure enough already”</i>), and any variation on sharing themselves with other partners is off the table for both of them.</p><p>He’d wanted to bring them closer together, after the war had pulled them apart—to share the kinds of intimacy that would build trust and understanding. He’d wanted - he still wants - to be the one to show Alec everything he’s learned from centuries of lovers, to make those experiences theirs.</p><p>It seems to be having the opposite effect. There haven’t been any repeats of ‘let’s just watch a movie’, but Alec is closing off more every time Magnus suggests something new they can try in bed, and Magnus is starting to worry.</p><p>Tonight, at least, he feels confident. He’s in his element when it comes to fashion and style, and he’s been itching to get eyeliner and lip gloss on Alec for weeks. He can only imagine - and he has, at length - how Alec’s legs will look in heels.</p><p>“Nothing you don’t feel comfortable with,” he assures Alec, flinging open the doors to his walk-in closet and rifling through his wardrobe. “I have a sarong or two if you don’t want to go too far just yet, they’re worn by men as well, but you could still feel like you’re wearing a skirt—what sort of fabric would you prefer, silk or cotton?”</p><p>It takes a moment for Magnus to realize he hasn’t heard a reply, and he looks up from frowning over lingerie - he hopes he’ll eventually be able to talk Alec into trying a garter belt, he really does have absurdly long legs - to find Alec standing in the bedroom, rubbing a hand over his face.</p><p>Alec sees him and lets his hand drop. “Whatever you want,” he says, which is normally something Magnus loves to hear in this situation, but it’s lacking a certain enthusiasm.</p><p>“I want you to feel...desirable,” Magnus explains. “Beautiful. Because you are.”</p><p>Alec’s smile doesn’t come anywhere near his eyes. Magnus is reminded that Alec grew up closeted and believing he couldn’t have anything he wanted for himself, and switches strategies.</p><p>“Why don’t you have a look around and tell me if there’s anything you want to see on me?” Magnus suggests. “Or if you have something in mind, I can always go shopping.”</p><p>He’s not going out tonight, obviously—he’s freshly-showered and wearing a silk robe that he can slip off easily in exchange for something else, but he can make notes and might even be able to summon something that fits the right description. He knows enough boutiques and designer line-ups to borrow a garment or two while no one is looking.</p><p>“Are you bored?”</p><p>Alec’s question is so unexpected that Magnus just stares for a moment, uncomprehending.</p><p>“With me?” Alec clarifies, gesturing between them. “With us. This.”</p><p>He says it like he’ll accept whatever the answer is, like he honestly doesn’t know. Magnus feels as though he’s just been punched in the stomach.</p><p>“I get it,” Alec goes on, clearly taking Magnus’ silence to mean the worst and building momentum. “You’ve had so many different partners, and you’re used to people who...and now you’re stuck with me.”</p><p>“Alexander,” Magnus says softly, stunned.</p><p>Alec barrels on, brutal in simplicity. “If this is what you want, I’ll do it, but if you’re not happy, if I'm not what you want…”</p><p>“<i>Alexander</i>,” Magnus says again, louder, and this time Alec falls silent. Magnus wishes he had any idea of what to say. “Of course I want you.”</p><p>He's wanted Alec since the day they first met, when Alec was scowling and evasive and looked like he might have birds nesting in his hair. The idea that Magnus might stop now, when he's catalogued each of Alec's secret smiles and seen his skin in the first light of morning, is incomprehensible.</p><p>“Then why all of this?” Alec asks. “Why the costumes and props? You had an actual <i>list</i> the other day.”</p><p>Magnus abandons the closet and slowly moves toward Alec, who watches his approach with a steady gaze. Magnus used to have to handle him like a skittish colt, but they’ve come a long way since then. Alec’s trust in him is naked in his eyes, worn like a banner on his sleeve.</p><p>“I want you to be able to experience everything,” Magnus explains, coming to a halt when he sees the reflexive twitch of Alec starting to cross his arms and then stopping himself. “I want you to find your bliss.”</p><p>“Magnus, I’ve already found my bliss,” Alec says. “It’s <i>you</i>.”</p><p>Magnus blinks. He wants to say that isn’t the same thing at all, but now Alec is taking cautious steps toward him, like he’s afraid he’ll scare Magnus off, and oh, the tables have turned.</p><p>“Please. Will you just let me…”</p><p><i>Let me take care of you</i>, Magnus hears in the silence when Alec falters. <i>Let me love you</i>.</p><p>“Let me be with you,” Alec finishes, sliding his arms under Magnus’ to embrace him. “Stop...trying to shove ginger up my ass and just let me be here, with you.”</p><p>Magnus’ lips twitch reluctantly. “You might have liked that,” he defends, without really meaning it.</p><p>“I really wouldn’t,” Alec assures him, and he’s moving forward now, forcing Magnus back with him, steering them toward the bed. “But...thanks for offering, I guess.”</p><p>Magnus starts laughing, silently at first, but Alec’s smile blooms over his face when he feels Magnus shaking, and then he’s leaning down to cup Magnus’ face in his hands and kiss him, and the rest of the world falls away.</p><p>Magnus has centuries of experience in bed, but he’s rarely been with lovers who stay long enough to learn him so well. Alec has made a dedicated study, and he’s gained confidence since their first times together, coupled with a new determination after their time apart. He knows Magnus, and not just the places Magnus likes to be touched - although he reaches unerringly for those, Magnus’ body exhaustively mapped and remembered - but how to read Magnus’ responses, when to pause for breath and what to murmur into the close space between them.</p><p>He doesn’t blink at the gleam of Magnus’ eyes in the dark, doesn’t flinch when their clothes disappear without warning or they slide together with sudden slippery ease. He says <i>I love you</i> like it doesn’t cost anything to give it away, more times in a few weeks than Magnus has heard in the past century, and means it every time.</p><p>He kisses Magnus breathless like he can’t get enough of him, like they have all the time in the world for this even when they’re nearly overwhelmed by it, sweat-slick and desperate. He laughs in the awkward moments, turning impatience and tangled limbs into effervescent joy.</p><p>He holds Magnus in the aftermath, drowsy and sated, and touches him like he still can’t quite believe this is real. If Magnus has any defenses left, Alec is wearing them down like the tide, inexorable and all-consuming.</p><p>“No more list,” Alec murmurs, heavy-lidded and lethargic, smearing a kiss across Magnus’ shoulder.</p><p>Magnus chuckles, feeling like his bones have dissolved, leaving only a gentle, weightless ache behind. “Agreed.”</p><p>He toys with a strand of Alec’s hair, thinking of how much he’s learned and forgotten over decades with different people, different bodies, different cultures. How much he’s learned in the past few weeks alone, when he’d thought he was only teaching Alec.</p><p>Then he says, “I do still want to see you in silk stockings.”</p><p>“Yeah, okay,” Alec mumbles, sighing into the curve of his neck. “Maybe after we sleep.”</p>
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